Nature Done Wright

Incorporating the Celery Farm and Screech Owl Companion blogs

March 9, 2011

The Squirrels Strike Back

I received this e-mail last week. still debating whether to go to the police.

Attention: We, the members of the Squirrely Liberation Front are mad as hell and we won't take it anymore. We have therefore identified you as public squirrel enemy No 1. Here are our demands: 1) Walnuts. 2) Peanuts. 3) Almonds.4) Hazelnuts. 5) Pecans.

We DEMAND that these be delivered to us in a plain brown wrapper in the dead of night. Ignore us at your peril. We will no longer take abuse from the likes of you and your kind. If these demands are not met promptly, we will:

A) chew through your ignition wires

B) dance out of reach of neighborhood dogs, thereby causing them to bark incessantly

C) eat all the sunflower seeds from your birdseed mixes

D) get into your attic and make a mess

I then receiced a second note:

Having just been forced to email you by a squad of squirrel revolutionaries, I would like to say, Please, for the love of God, don't tick off the squirrels. I'm a prisoner in my own house. They're out there, all the time, watching, waiting. I fear for my life. They're wearing bandannas and ammunition belts. These squirrels must really mean business. I am forced to act as their intermediary, so, if you need to negotiate with them, they can be contacted through me. May God have mercy on us all.

Dave Smith

Thanks, Dave!